On the NHS.

I'm currently undergoing a course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and had my first appointment last week. I was on a waiting list for what seemed months but was likely only about 4 weeks. Because I have had suicidal ideation in the past, I was considered a priority patient. The session went fairly well, but at the beginning I was taken aback by my therapist telling that I would recieve 6 sessions, 8 at the very most. It's not ideal to be honest, but I'll take whatever help I can get.

As I got dressed this morning (okay, this afternoon- so sue me, my flatmate kept me all night walking in and out of the flat) I realised that a lot of the time I have been seen by mental health specialists, I'm never told how many sessions it will be when I make the appointment and I am given the impression that it is a long-term course of treatment. Then at the start of the first session the therapist or counselling always says something along the lines of "so, this is a course of treatment that will take between 6 to 8 sessions". Why is it impossible to be told this information at the point of self-referal?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I have never been offered a long term therapy by the NHS. The only exception I'd include would be when I was 16 and desperately ill, but after a couple of sessions, I realised I was nothing more than a guinea pig for junior psychologists- I was never seen by the same person twice and so I would have to go over the same thing session after session because it seems the junior psychologists are unable to add notations in a file.

The only option for long term treatment is to pay for a private psychotherapist or counsellor, which is less than ideal when you are a poor student whose student loan does not stretch very far. I did it once, while I engaged to the ex-husband (or as friend refers to him "psycho fuck bag"... but I digress) and while it was a relief to be able to see someone weekly, she was incredibly patronising. The one thing that sticks out for me more than anything is at the end of the first session she leant forward, looked me dead in the eyes and went "I'm going to ask that you pay me". Charming. No manners, just a demand.

But the worst part of this fiasco is that when you are seen- and regardless of whether you are on a short course, seeing a different psychologist or not being told that they only offer short term course- you are always spoken to in the most patronising and condescending manner. Just because you are ill does not mean that those treating you have the right to speak to you like a 5 year old. I'm not one for confrontation, so I've never said anything- but I am sick of it.

I just want to be treated with some respect. Is that too much to ask for?